adani

Ladies and gentlemen who read my journal, I have discovered something very interesting. I did not write this, but i must say that it is very accurate toward me and many other guys that i know. and without any further ado here it is...

Ode to the Nice Guys
This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that
never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about
what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to
those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to
tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the
back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is
in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how
cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate
moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in
honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest
concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from
her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back
from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys
who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male
population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give
them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the
rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but
somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are
overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are
manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and
when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two
sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought
her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and
she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best
killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that
romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in
the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing
against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a
counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t
have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between
the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was
awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless
teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even
though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went
anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more
disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I
wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have
observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other
schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls
are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to
date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational,
confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good
boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I
couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would
ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in
the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize
and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are
beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down
between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep
with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the
nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely
many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be
dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding
those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You
know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as
ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your
patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party
escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all
the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you
are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my
gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well
deserved vindication is coming.

Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003

Hey all
all my stuff is fine and my house i feel very blessed. im sorry for everyone who lost something. all and all im good but my life is still kinda f'd up but you know ive given up on it. ive stopped talking to the thing that was depressing me and now im a lot better but my parents still suck buy you know how it goes. but i just want all of you that read this that i love you BFN.

well im lost again... there just isnt ne where for me to go im kinda stuck in the center of a maze and its called long beach. well i was supposed to go to usm for my 4 years of college but apparently my God had other plans. So yeah now im going to go to a junior college then to the big one. its all good i guess i got a half tuition scholarship so yeah. there is really only one good thing about this change... ill get to see jen more often but speaking of that. i unfortunately got some news that broke my heart, she doesnt feel the same way about me. im still hurting but im starting to feel better. i still love her and im going to be her friend as long as she wants me to be and if she ever changes her mind about me ill be there thats just how ive always been NEVER GIVING UP HOPE AS LONG AS THERE IS SOME HOPE TO GIVE UP. but yeah so my house got hit by lightning and killed a whole bunch of electronics in my house but not my room HAHA. so yeah im so confused now im at a point where i just feel my life is pointless. i just feel i do no good for ne one. i mean i try to be a good person and help ppl but i get shti (shti=bad stuff) in return. so i wonder if who i am is a bad person and if i am a bad person what is good? i dont know ive tried so much stuff that just doesnt work out for me. now i know i shouldnt think this but it just seems like my god puts me thru this crap as a joke or a lesson. only she knows. but i watched this movie called CLERKS and it gave me some very good prophecies on life. IM NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TODAY- DANTE. i just dont know what to do with my life. its going nowhere fast and i need to slow it down. and just now i found out something that just killed ne chance of my life going ne where, so being in long beach now is definitely a bad thing and i am now emotionally fubar..../cry... im sorry... bye

u know there has been a lot since the last time i wrote in here. i dont exactly remember all of it so ill work with what i got. well lets see i still am having headaches and sleep issues more than ever and now my stomach hurts all the time and i have no appitite. i enjoyed my parents being away. no parties unfortunatly but i have been to some parties the past 2 days and ive got to say those have been teh 2 worst days ive had in a long time. now bc jen would possibly read this im not going in to it. if you care ask me personally. yeah a funny thing happened after the party tonight i went to the votech center bc i was just about to freak and i talked to myself for a little while and as i was leaving there i got to the place where i had my accident. well i get there and i picture to myself what i was doing b4 the wreck and i remember i was asking my god to give me a sign wether i am supposed to be with the girl of my dreams. and then it happened Bamm. well i was there tonight and i just looked up at a street sign and i couldnt believe my eyes. wether this is a coincidence or a sign from my god or what but the road name is the same as her last name. i sware it was really creepy. so yeah but i just dont know nething ne more i had a good nights in general but there were just points in teh parties that just like everyone was taking a knife and stabbing me and i guess that just ruined it. but yeah ive never been one to just give up on something. but i just dont know if i can take ne more punishment and thats what this feels like as if everytime i think about her someone takes a sledgehammer to my chest. but i dont want to give up but it doesnt seem like i have much hope left. i still wear the braclet for hope. hope that one day my dreams may come true but its never happened b4 and unlike my earlier beliefs it not going to happen now. so i say right now in front of everyone whos read this that i give up on nething that would make me be nething else than who i am and i am adam and i wouldnt change for the world. i have been a sweet kind loving responsibe person since i moved here and apparently despite what girls say im not what they want but im me and thats all i can be. i give up. i just wish there was something more that i could do to possibly have her feel the same way i feel about her. its just the way my life goes... but for now im done i dont know when ill write again but again im done good night sweet dreams and just remember without hope you have no reason to have a future.

today is independence day. a holiday that ppl normally spend with their family but not me my parents are in tennessee white water rafting and im at home by myself with my neighbors watching me so i dont throw ne parties. this definitely = teh suck. well i havent been sleeping well still and now im getting headaches more often it really sux. my friend has had to work the past four days from 11 to 11 so i have barely gotten to talk to her and that really sux. my head is driving me crazy. there are things i dont want to think about that just seem to come up at the worst times and i just get really depressed. i know everyone has those moments. dustin im sorry for not including you. you have helped me a lot and i shouldve recognized you. there are just so many questions in my life that i wish i had answers for but i dont and u know its not fun to be like this. and i really am just tired of everything in my life. but then there is the one thing in my life that i know is that i have hope but that is all i have at the moment. and maybe its the only thing keeping me sane or even alive i dont know. i guess there really is no future unless you hope for something. well happy fourth of july jen gordon and dustin becuz you are the only ones who read this. .... i guess thats it for now.

well since the last time i wrote my parents havent yelled at me of course ive barely been around them to yell at me but still. im going to find out today if they let me stay in my house or not but they also leave today. the situation with the girl... i know she has stuff to deal with and i can wait as long as she needs i understand completely what she is going through. i have cleaned the chilli in the freezer, im still afraid to talk to my manager but i did a really good job i think. i also talked to my friend about being a jackass all the time and he said he try and be less of one. i was like sweet. i dont know it seems like the things that were so bad are solving themselves on there own which i expected because all of my problems solutions were in other ppls hands. i dont know. oh yeah i am now in debt 12000 dollars hurray for me... but i suppose thats it for now.ttyl

alright heres the deal... i told the girl the way i felt about her and she didnt know what to say. now i dont know what that means, only she could tell me but we havent talked about it since the night i told her which had to be one of the best nights of my life. u know she made me a bracelet about 4 months ago and i havent taken it off since. its kinda for hope because for awhile thats all i had and now again that is all i have. now on a lighter note i did alot of cool things this weekend. i went to see land of the dead. its good. then i went to cpr fest and it was fun but it could have been better if jen would have been there. sry i thought about you the whole time. well then i went to fountainblue national park in lousiana to do some live action role playing and it was cool but kinda duller than usual. ok now for the bad stuff, my parents are most likely not letting me stay at my house when they go on vacation so... well that wont stop me lol. but im also gonna be in trouble at work for spilling chilli in the cooler and not cleaning it up, but another thing that has been really bugging me is my friends are not supportive of my decisions at all. they think no matter what i do i will fail and it is really lowering my self esteem. only gordon has supported me in getting over my shyness all the rest said well i dont care what they said ne more. but these ppl are supposed to be my friends not my enemies but ne way thanx to jen and gordon i got over my shyness at least for a moment long enough to tell the girl how i felt. today i just cried from like 4:30pm- 7:30pm but i finally told my dad the things ive been keeping in for so long and i think he found out some things i prolly shouldve said earlier. but yeah im just completely drained physically and emotionally. im so tired and i dont mean sleepy. well i guess for now i just have to hope and pray to something bc i need some serious help. well i guess thats it for now ttyl

thank you jen and gordon the replies made me feel better. and i dont know what im gonna do about the girl and she definitely does not suck lol. yeah and i prolly am going to have friends over "f" my parents. and gordon thanks for the support but its really like this ive never been as close to a girl as this one as a friend b4 and i love being her friend but i want to be more than that and i dont know if i can take the rejection or what she will think about me after i tell her. but neway im sure ill tell her eventually i just hope its not already to late. and jen this is the thing i regret not doing yet that i may still have the chance to do. well i guess thats it for now again thanx.

well on a lighter note b4 i get to the bad stuff... i am cleared of the charges of the cups cuz apparently they got me and my friend mixed up so now hes going to court for this. of course because im a good friend im gonna tell my story about me taking the cups but matt telling me to but im off the hook so that was good and my insurance dropped 70 bucks a month its still outrageous but its better. now the bad... first of all im having trouble sleeping bc of everything on my mind and its really hurting my head. ive really been thinking alot about this girl and i want to tell her how i feel but i dont want it to ruin our friendship. and it really hurts to keep it in as long as i have. it sux im shy so i cant tell her and bc i cant tell her im hurting. well i think i already said this but my parents are going out of town next week and ill have the house to myself for a week. and they are leaving me alone for independence day. i dont know what the hell im gonna do but i wanna party. and not drink just like have some friends come over and chill. but i dont know im so torn. my parents told me not to have ne one over. my head hurts so bad all the time. and i feel like crying all the time. i feel like im pretty much worthless too. i go to work, come home and sit at my computer and i do nothing worth nething. the only time i feel im worth somehting is when im talking the girl i mentioned earlier. there is so much pain built up in me i just dont know what to do and im afraid there is nothing that can get rid of it..... :( there are really no words that can describe the way im feeling but i did the best i could so it may not appear as bad as it is....You all have a good day.

yesterday i went and saw Batman Begins it was really good. there was a quote from it that i will never forget..."Why do we fall... so we can learn to pick ourselves back up." there are many things ive done and havent succeeded on and then there are many things i just havent tried because i thought i might fail and im tired of it. there sometimes are just things that need to be said and if you cant say them then you might miss out on one of the most amazing things and i think i might have lost mine if i even had a chance to begin with. oh yeah the whole burger king cup thing yeah i get to go to court for that shyt fun fun but im all confused my friend is got the warrant out for him and not me and the friend isnt matt. we are going to get matt to testify to giving us the cups and if he does its all on him... im watching my neice hope atm i do that alot. i get to do it again for fathers day so my dad can go see star wars hurray for 3 hours of nothing. i sware i hate sitting in my house but its all i can do cause most of my friends are slackers. and sitting in my house doing nothing gets me to thinking and when i think i get depressed and it just sux. im trying to get a life but just one more thing not working in my life. well i guess thats it for now.

Well three days ago my friend worked at Burger King and led me to believe that he was a Manager. Well he said if i went up there i could get free food so i went up there with a couple of friends. We got some free stuff and then he came up to me and told me to take all the Star Wars cups so i was like ok. My friends and i got up and we walked to the door and i grabbed the cups and kept walking. well we took them and scratched them all. well it turned out that my friend was not a manager and he got fired for the cups and then burger king filed a affidavit on me for stealing 53 cups. So now i may have to do community service or pay a fine for matt. So i will not hang with him but i do have some of my "connections" working to get me out of this. yep... so i guess thats it.

My life up to this point has been filled with more disappointment than i could ever talk about. This is my first entry and Im going to talk about my life up to this point. Well I was born to alcoholic and druggy parents. My parents divorced when I was 4 and I parent jumped until I was twelve. I lived in South Florida and I had finally found somewhere i belonged when my dad whom i live with decided to up and move us to Mississippi. Big Change. I went to school and was immediately turned into the weird kid and was picked on for the entire year i was at Pass Middle while there i discovered a thing called alateen. Alateen is a youth help group for children and friends of alcoholics and it has helped me alot but it has hurt me alot to. its one of those situations about IGNORANCE IS BLISS. Well as i was saying i met a lot of ppl here and it helped me get out of my depression of being rejected by an entire school. Well my dad met this women and they married so we moved again. After middle school things went rather smoothly except in two areas FEMALES and PARENTS. My parents are just way to strict. I had a 6 oclock curfew until I had my own car and license and i didnt get that until I turned 18. well you get the picture. So the other problem was I just turned out to be an incredibly shy person. I was one of those its better not to know than let the answer be NO. well my shyness pretty much continues to this day but one big step for me was asking a girl out when i got my car. She said yes but after the date she pretty much ignored me. well the last thing to my life at the moment is... well theres this girl and she is so amazing but again my shyness. ive been trying to gauge a reaction but it doesnt seem to work and i can barely hang with her cause she is so busy. but we have tons in common and she makes me happy and that is a feeling i dont get very often so... well maybe ill get something more to tell later but for now thats it.